I know I deserve more...
I have very recently discovered a patterning within me. This pattern is one that I will always allow other people their space, their thoughts to be spoken first, to be gracious as oppose to saying ‘hang on, no I don’t agree because this is how I am feeling and this is the reason why’ !!!
I am off work today I just couldn’t face going in and performing in a way that doesn’t feel real anymore. I am trying to suit everyone else who is there. Don’t get me wrong my work colleagues are in the main lovely and very good at what they do, as am I ! It is always a shock when I decide to take a day off because it rarely happens but today it just needed to be that I spend time alone assessing where my head is right now. I cannot ignore the feeling anymore of being inside out and my head just hanging off.
It hit me so hard this morning that I DESERVE MORE…Wow !!
I am wife to a wonderful man who is busy on his journey and rightly so. He has turned so many corners mentally and otherwise over the recent years and is currently stuck right in the middle of a project of which he is the main stay. My son is thankfully sorting his life out. I am always available for him to go through his emotional stuff and I genuinely hope this is helping. The normal, daily things of not washing up and not really helping with house chores at the moment is annoying me but usually I have to admit it wouldn’t so they are both carrying on as usual which is cool, right now I don’t want to burden any one with my new realisation. This moment needs to be mine and with me right now.
But I DEFINITELY DO DESERVE MORE !!
I have a good career, there is a lot of responsibility and pressure, it is a role that I need to continually monitor and assess myself so as to make sure I am operating at my best each day. I wouldn’t want to meet any one and give them a dodgy style of impression or energy it just isn’t me. I think that if I get a lower style or vibrational attempt given to me I know I feel very tempted to just walk away. I can see that I have settled for a kind of second best because it has been the easier decision for me, and I have been happy to function but right now it just doesn’t feel right any more.
I now feel the need to reassess myself and get stuck in to being me and doing things for me because I DO DESERVE MORE !!
Sometimes it just takes time out for us to see what is what and press our re-set button !!
Always with much love and light ,